Even I couldn't fail to notice that, last week, the supermarket was rather fuller than usual of unnecessarily intrusive examples of the unfortunate side-effects of - y'know, rumpy pumpy.
Sorry, too many 'of's.
Lots more small children than usual in Sainsbury's last week. (Much better.) The way I notice school holidays are happening is that the roads are noticeably emptier, which hadn't been the case. So something was up. I enquired of a harrassed-looking individual (she had at least three of the little blighters in tow) what the blazes was afoot, and she told me that the local Infant School had closed because of DISEASE. Something so virulant that had drastic measures not been taken the entire population of under sevens would have vomitted themselves into oblivion, and the disease would have jumped species and started infecting grown-ups. Obviously not a desirable outcome.
So closing down the infant school meant sending these little plague-rats, these Typhoid Maries, these pox-ridden harbingers of DOOM out into the middle of the population.
Cracking idea, Grommit.
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12 comments:
Argh.
Lovely.
I recommend full-body condoms.
Well put.
whatever happened to bell ringers, walking ahead calling out "unclean! unclean!"
(or were the bell ringers the ones who shouted "bring out your dead! bring out your dead!"?)
you need some of that dettox that Ziggi was ::squirting:: all over the place last week. . .
*puts on face mask and backs off hurriedly*
I'll have you know that some of us that have to work in primary schools get fed up with mopping up other people's children's vomit! Give someone else the job I say - send them out to spread desease and harmony to the rest of the populace! fairs fair
maybe the full body condoms weren't such a bad idea after all
I was going to plead the teachers case but ziggi has already done it. It is quite a pain in the arse being a working mother with these unexpected school closures, I sometimes feel they do it just to make us feel guilty.
Couldn't you just take a few of them out with close-range shots to the head, and then blame faulty intelligence? It works with Brazilian electricians.
I like your intro, btw. Neatly metafictional exposure of the nuts 'n' bolts of post composition. Either that, or your delete key doesn't work.
I managed to avoid chickenpox all my life until Dexter came home and decided to use me as a mattress. I just remind myself now, when faced with imminent infection, that nothing, nothing, will ever be as bad as that.
tum te dum humm hummmm tiddly pom
you haven't "converted" then?
OK. I'm guessing all the Anons are Beta folks.
'Full-body condoms' has to be ILTV. Re all the vomit stuff, I would happily pay extra taxes to have full-armoured SWAT teams go in and perform surgical strikes on our chunder-laden schools. That's just above and beyond.
Wyndham - grown-up chickenpox, eh. That's not the one that leaves you blind, deaf, dumb and sterile then. Is it?
And Tim - you were the one in front paying attention, weren't you. I was in front too, but only to get a more comfortable look at Anthony Fothergill's bum. I like to think of it as more of a palimpsest, really. (Not the bum.)
Theres a delete key?!
Sterile? Don't get my hopes up.
NO!! I was "unclean unclean" !!
(and then admitted later that the FBCs might have been a good idea)
*walks off muttering that people get completely the wrong impression of little old me*
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