Finally

The Community Library was officially opened. From the inside.

Imagine the scene - a crisp late winter day, village green, duckpond, small children frolicking, village elders gossiping, 'Oyez Oyez Oyez' from village cod Town Crier, village eldest cutting red ribbon and being delighted to declare the new Community Library OPEN! Local press cameras flashing, or not because the sunshine is quite pure and clear enough, happy villagers thronging entrance, jostling good-humouredly to be first.

Yeah right.

Well it was chucking it down, wannit? Got there with five minutes to spare, to discover small children, village elders, cod Town Crier and Uncle Tom Cobbley and all crammed tight into the building, gently steaming and wishing like hell it was all over NOW. Village Eldest propped up in a corner, wishing it hardest, local press thinking I've Seen Worse.

So the red ribbon was strung across the inside of the door, speeches at only three sentences already overlong, Village Eldest, with crutches removed so as not to spoil the picture, lurches ribbon-ward with an unnecessarily vast pair of scissors, local press finds only possible angle by holding camera above head and shooting almost straight down, and the ribbon is parted. You bet the cheer was one of relief.

It was worth it for the looks on the faces of the little children when they discovered that, because of the prohibitive pricing structure of discs acquired for rental, the brand new, much fought for and heartily welcomed Community Library would no longer be renting DVDs.